he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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