.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
