she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
