THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
and she was petting her beer can
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
