Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
