2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
