Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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