they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
