I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
