K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
