there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
