Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
