I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just want to make out with him forever
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
