I just saw a hot homeless man
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
