Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
