every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
