I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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