Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
