I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
