oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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