Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm too high and old for this...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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