My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
