Redeem this text for a blowjob
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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