We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
