How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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