I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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