you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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