For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She needs sedatives and a leash
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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