so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
