shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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