My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
