Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
