My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
