When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
