God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
