I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So here I am, sexting at work.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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