ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
