i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
