In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
