Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I looked at my own cervix.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
