Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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