Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
