Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
