Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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