"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
