I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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