I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
