she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
