so that wasnt chicken after all
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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