My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
