I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
why is half of my head shaved?
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