I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
